Oldest daughter sleeps in our bed with my wife, I sleep with the twins. 02:10 at night, I hear my wife calling for me. Oldest daughter had to vomit, the bed full of vomit, daughter full of vomit. Had to shower her.
Fun times.
Fun times.
Parenting |OT| It's the shit. And vomit.
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Thread: Parenting |OT| It's the shit. And vomit.
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Been there. My daughter as a standard starts vomiting at night before she's gonna get sick from the flu or similar. She used to sleep with us in bed. Now she has her own "bed". Saves us a lot of trouble since hers is smaller and we can get back to sleep easier.
You think that's bad? My 7 year old shit in the bath last week lolol. And it was NOT a solid turd, to say the least.
Not to be outdone, today my boy shat in the swimming pool and in the bath. Fun times.
What do you even use to clear a bath of that? Empty it and then use some disinfectant?
We have a bleach spray that we use for any "accidents" on... Let's call it furniture. Don't ask.
Several years ago I once shit my pants in the car on the way to work. Had to turn around and go home to shower and change. Not my best moment. Not great. Careful gambling on those farts, boys.
Got dragged to a first birthday party. Honestly I’d have had more fun plucking out my own nose hairs (young people look it up - it’ll happen to you).
Add in some bonus wife drama (she loves to mutter stuff under her breath) and yeah great time. Don’t get married whatever you do. Adopt, get a surrogate maybe but don’t get married.
Add in some bonus wife drama (she loves to mutter stuff under her breath) and yeah great time. Don’t get married whatever you do. Adopt, get a surrogate maybe but don’t get married.
Wasn't the food good at least? If there wasn't any cake, you should have started a riot.
The purgatory of soft play
Are you familiar with the child-focused phenomenon generally known as soft play? Often located in the windowless recesses of garden centres with an innocent-sounding name like ‘Snakes and Ladders’, these are compounds dedicated to the frenetic, ergonomic joy of children – assault courses for...
www.spectator.co.uk
The purgatory of soft play
Parents, enter at your peril
Are you familiar with the child-focused phenomenon generally known as soft play? Often located in the windowless recesses of garden centres with an innocent-sounding name like 'Snakes and Ladders', these are compounds dedicated to the frenetic, ergonomic joy of children – assault courses for mites, with slides, chutes, ball baths and various dangling hazards all swathed in gaudy soft foam-wrapped plastic.
On paper, soft play sounds like fun: what could be more enjoyable than watching your tiny ones zipping gleefully down slides in an ultra-safe environment, one where there's even compulsory armbands for accompanying adults and locked doors to keep out perverts? What's more, it's an environment where your little ones are not actually clinging on to you bodily or asking for anything: they are free, happy and sated, and best of all they are burning off energy, so helping to hasten sleep.
But it's not as simple as that, because children, particularly when they're young, need your help to navigate the slides and the tunnels. You have to play with them, and much as you might prefer to drink a coffee, pop on some sound-cancelling headphones and read the paper, they simply can't be left to get on with it. And this is where the purgatory of soft play begins.
As an adult you enter the netted enclosure at your peril because – know this – you'll be lucky to escape without a visit to the chiropractor. That's because there are no second places in the soft play Olympiad – it's a physical assault course that separates the men from the boys. The boys bend, duck, scamper and laugh; the men creak, stumble, groan – and invariably scalp themselves.
The most egregious example of soft play I've found so far is on Clacton Pier. It is an enormous multi-layered temple to childhood effervescence – a Boschian cage of so many toddlers, mites and under-tens haring about that you can imagine that when the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang dreams, this is what he dreams of. And in this vast aviary of screeching minors, every soft surface is infused with in the residue of countless coughs, sneezes, drool and probably worse.
First, though, there's the noise. It approaches levels not seen since Concorde last swooped over suburbia, but the pent-up wailing and shrieking of several hundred hysterical children, all revved up on Tizer and Smarties, is more a phonic doom than sonic boom.
Next comes the quiet reek of body odour emanating from pursuing parents – parents attempting to keep up with their little ones in a labyrinth too small for them; parents catching what little remains of their hair on the hard plastic ceilings of chutes, or swearing from friction burns off the slides, or as they stub their toes, or slip and fall on compressing sloping cushioned surfaces designed for people a tenth of the weight. As I said, you'll be lucky to emerge without having to immediately visit a chiropractor.
One secret to surviving soft play is to begin at once to teach your children a loop, one preferably including a slide or two, which can be subtly drilled into them. Then you might be able to slip away, by stages, leaving them to get on with it, once they're confident with it. 'Do that again,' you can wheeze, looking up from work emails on your phone. 'Amazing! Go on! Do it again, faster!'
Of course, soft play is not all bad – it's a sure-fire way of topping up young children's immunity in preparation for nursery and school. An hour in 'Pirate Pete's' or the 'Playbarn' and your little bundle of joy will emerge fully dosed-up with chicken pox or something else useful to get over and done with. That's the bright side. But then there's also your own immunity to consider, and depending on your age, chances are it isn't as good as your five-year-old's. What's for certain is that when you do emerge from the enclosure, you will feel broken, used up, like a contestant on SAS: Who Dares Wins.
For a rest you can order lunch – even though you know it will probably be awful, coming from a diabetes kitchen where a green salad is regarded with the kind of suspicion that early hominids reserved for lightning. Lunch, also, is the moment when the cherub in the high-chair at the next table turns to you, half way through your tuna mayonnaise sandwich, and expectorates so hard she blows the Wotsits off your paper plate. There's so much snot on her face, she reminds you of a virus-loaded, diseased monkey from a horror film. You know immediately that you've got a few days off work coming, like it or not, and your only hope is that somehow you don't give it to the kids too, or it somehow skips you all entirely and goes straight to the wife.
This is when soft play despair really kicks in, as the sugar from the inevitable bun wears off, when you look around the room at the other mums and dads. Just like you, in all probability, they're a good two stone heavier than they used to be. A lot of them will be in tracksuits, though few will have troubled a running track for years, possibly decades. There's a lot of hair recession going on. Everyone looks tired, wraithlike – yet are too old to be cast as junior doctors by the BBC drama department. In that moment you realise that if these guys were Darwin's finches then their days of shaking their tail feathers are long behind them.
And that's when soft play crushes you. This lot are a mirror of you, and all this comes raining down on you as you nurse a sprained ankle. You realise that in evolutionary terms you've done your bit and now it's just a question of babysitting until time's up. Which is why the cheery, brightly coloured, squishy kids' fantasia is purgatorial. Because soft play is where youth goes to die. Your youth. It's a midlife crisis in primary colours, with Wotsits on the side covered in another child's snot. It's where you realise that the future equals grey hair, if you still have any, obesity if you're not obese already, dicky hips, and an even blander, more regimented existence of child-worship and subservience – because after soft play come the taxi driving years.
So you smile at the mum with the kid who coughs like a Triffid with bronchitis and you reach for another Wotsit. Now you need to focus on how to extricate your postprandial children before the chips and burger-induced slump wears off, and then you need to remember to buy more Beechams Powders on the way home. They are essential and do wonders for gin.
didn't realise Teletubbies was quite so filthy… 7:25 and 8:04 it gets a bit ASMR…
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Summertime, taking away one hour screwed up the sleeping times for the kids. That's the stuff you have to deal with as parents lol
We’ve been fairly lucky, the little fella is still doing an excellent job of sleeping.
macapala
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My son is 10 months old now and I am constantly thinking: how am I going to protect him from the woke agenda of today? When he’s at home I can control what TV and movies he watches, what he views on the internet etc. but when he is out of my supervision (ie at school) what can I do? Have any of you guys got some tips or strategies to help my son avoid woke bullshit.
I’ve been doing tours of daycares lately and almost all of them have woke shit everywhere. One of the daycares told me they do Welcome to Country (it’s some stupid Australian aboriginal thing) every morning. Other daycares have posters claiming white people commited genocide against the aboriginal people of Australia and books talking about having two mums and analysing skin colour. They don’t even try to hide it. I don’t want my son exposed to this bullshit.
Sorry I don’t have time to go through the whole thread so if this question has been answered I apologise.
I’ve been doing tours of daycares lately and almost all of them have woke shit everywhere. One of the daycares told me they do Welcome to Country (it’s some stupid Australian aboriginal thing) every morning. Other daycares have posters claiming white people commited genocide against the aboriginal people of Australia and books talking about having two mums and analysing skin colour. They don’t even try to hide it. I don’t want my son exposed to this bullshit.
Sorry I don’t have time to go through the whole thread so if this question has been answered I apologise.
We adjusted to that really easy this year thank god
Getting the kids to eat remains the big drama in my house
Move to eastern europe
Where I live the woke nonsense isn't that prevalent yet, but it's starting to take a foothold... But we decided to do something I never thought I'd do:
Private Christian school.
I'm not religious, and even anti-religion. But I figured... To reverse the brainwashing of religion is easier than woke brainwashing. I escaped the brainwashing despite being raised Catholic, so my children will probably be able to as well if I manage to keep them engaged in critical thinking. And except for the fanaticism, Christianity has some good values, at least. You just have to make sure that it's true Christianity and not one that is starting to appease the woke nonsense into their religion.
macapala
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Thanks. I will definitely look into private Christian schools. I have thought about home schooling, but I’m not sure I’d be able to make that work. I’d have to do a lot more research first before I might have an idea if it is feasible or not.
Very happy with the school my oldest daughter goes to. Only 8 months in, but I'm impressed. No woke BS so far and they learn a lot, my daughter can already read whole sentences. Slowly of course, but she can do it.
There are four kids in her class that don't speak our language well or not at all, one black girl, two Ukrainian boys and another boy (don't know where he's from). Also one real problem child from a fucked up family who needs a lot of attention. There are two teachers because it's the biggest class, and one additional woman who helps with the more "demanding" kids. The kids who don't speak the language get separated for some hours each day to get individual lessons, and are making good progress as well.
Works out way better than I expected, but only works because it's the best school around and they have the funding to put three teachers into a class like that. Not the case in most other schools. Also, outside of the kids I mentioned above, they're all well behaved kids from our community here, people know each other, care about each other. With parents who actively support the school. Makes it way easier. Living in the best part of the city is so damn important. 3 min drive towards the city center, the schools and kindergartens are fucked and the kids don't learn anything.
Finding a good environment to raise the kids is crucial.
There are four kids in her class that don't speak our language well or not at all, one black girl, two Ukrainian boys and another boy (don't know where he's from). Also one real problem child from a fucked up family who needs a lot of attention. There are two teachers because it's the biggest class, and one additional woman who helps with the more "demanding" kids. The kids who don't speak the language get separated for some hours each day to get individual lessons, and are making good progress as well.
Works out way better than I expected, but only works because it's the best school around and they have the funding to put three teachers into a class like that. Not the case in most other schools. Also, outside of the kids I mentioned above, they're all well behaved kids from our community here, people know each other, care about each other. With parents who actively support the school. Makes it way easier. Living in the best part of the city is so damn important. 3 min drive towards the city center, the schools and kindergartens are fucked and the kids don't learn anything.
Finding a good environment to raise the kids is crucial.
Lol, for me it depends on the child. My best friend has four kids and she and I have an understanding that we can give eachother's kids the business when necessary. A lot of sleepovers take place (the kids sleep over, not my friend, @Stouffers, you fuck, stop it with this shit, though she did sleep over one time because she passed out on the bathroom floor).
As for other kids, yeah, it's always an iffy situation. It actually might be easier when the other kids' parents AREN'T around, because if they are I feel like you almost have to entirely defer to them if they witnessed whatever the issue is.
... why, you been beating the shit out of other peoples' kids lately?
Separate topic, my 11 year old is in the talented and gifted program, reads basicaly at a 12th grade level, and is 99th percentile on all the standardized tests. But he is a complete retard and lacks any modicum of commense sense or critical thinking skills. Like seriously what the fuck. He also has the emotional maturity (hell overall maturity) of perhaps a 7 or 8 year old. What am I doing wrong lolol.
You’re mutually going to do something stupid and it’s going to haunt you forever.
Dispute between me and the inlaws regarding how to treat the children of my wife's brother, while his children were bullying mine
I tried talking and have someone else take the helm to discipline them. Nobody did shit, when I did shit, everybody lost their shit.
Yeah, fuck that. The inlaws kids we generally have an understanding that all the Aunts and Uncles have the same authority as the parents within reason. But we all have good relationships and I consider my sister in law a pretty good friend, and her husband too, and we all (mostly) agree on major upbringing choices and parenting style. The only main difference is they're not filthy antivaxxers like me, though they didn't get their kids COVID shots at least. Maybe if the dynamics are different, it gets trickier.
My inlaws have a bunch of boundary issues. My father in law constantly complains about my brother in law and sister in law, but he enables their behavior. My brother in law is a fanatic Christian that neglects his children and constantly drops them off at my parents in law. They can't handle the children, and basically let them do what they want. The largest child literally kicked my mother in law multiple times in the stomach and nobody says anything.
When I put the child in her place, I'm the bad one.
It's kind of hard to have a good relationship with this kind of nonsense.
Oh well. At least my wife is on my side on this one. I didn't have to throw coke on her.
When I put the child in her place, I'm the bad one.
It's kind of hard to have a good relationship with this kind of nonsense.
Oh well. At least my wife is on my side on this one. I didn't have to throw coke on her.
What I'll say is that as a parent it's your #1 job to look after your kids. Above anything else. So if the in-law kids are being shitty to your kids, it's your responsibility to either tool your kids to be able to deal with it (which most of the time is the preferred option) or if that's not possible (ie they're bigger and meaner) you deal with it, and the parents of those kids can discuss the issue afterwards. If they have an attitude and won't sort their kids behaviour out, quite simply you keep doing your thing, keep it consistent. You'll get grief, but the kids will figure out they can kick mother in law in the stomach but they can't give your kids shit. Those other problems aren't yours, you don't need to solve them. The ones that are yours to solve, you solve.
Oldest daughter just had a minor surgery because she could barely breathe through her nose at night. Causing her to stop breathing for more than 10 seconds, panically twitch and breath though her mouth. Hope it helps, she complained about headaches and was often tired during the days.
Will be ice and other stuff only for the next week or so because she can't really eat anything.
Will be ice and other stuff only for the next week or so because she can't really eat anything.
My little boy (1) has now shat in the bath 3 of the last 4 days. I swear he’s doing it on purpose.
That is a strange habit for a baby to make. Maybe no more baths until after he takes a dump? The most troublesome by nephew gets (also 1) is when my sister and her husband try to change him, he wriggles and squirms like crazy. Babies are a lot of work trying to keep clean it seems, I think I'll just stick to cleaning my code for now.
That is a strange habit for a baby to make. Maybe no more baths until after he takes a dump? The most troublesome by nephew gets (also 1) is when my sister and her husband try to change him, he wriggles and squirms like crazy. Babies are a lot of work trying to keep clean it seems, I think I'll just stick to cleaning my code for now.
Tbh quite often he’s already had a good poo, sometimes minutes before the bath. We used to think that was sufficient for the bath to be safe. It is not.
My youngest will be 3 in August and the potty training process has been... challenging. The pissing half of the equation is going mostly well. However. She keeps insisting on wearing underpants (rather than pullups or diapers) then shits in the underpants without telling anybody, then often continues to not tell anybody until we start to smell it or notice it bleeding through her pants. Driving us crazy. We'll get there.
So did you start around 2 then? Do you think you will have enough time to get things right before kindy/pre-primary?(whenever that is in your country). I am unsure just how long it takes to set new routines with kids.
My nephew is 16 months now, so it will be a little while before my sister starts letting us know all about the stresses and trials of potty training.
Only seriously started about a month ago. We have three months before she goes to preschool. Should be doable based on our experience with the two older kids.