[regawdless]

Give me your worst dad jokes!

I have a lot of unemployment jokes

Sadly none of them work

 

[Still can't decide]

Saw a blind guy swinging around in circles while holding his guide dog by its tail.

I ran over to ask him wtf he was doing.

He was alright though, said he was just having a quick look around.

 

[Thing on a Spring]

How do you fit four elephants in a Mini?

Spoiler

Two in the front, two in the back.

 

[and 3 others]

How do you fit four elephants in a Mini?

Spoiler

Two in the front, two in the back.

I must be too dumb to get it.

 

[Thing on a Spring]

I must be too dumb to get it.

 

[Snes nes]

Give me your worst dad jokes!

I have a lot of unemployment jokes

Sadly none of them work

What happens when you walk in on a salad dressing?

It gets a little shook up.

Whats the bacon for? I gave you my worst dad joke as you requested.

 

[and 3 others]

Sir, I now have even more questions.

 

[Still can't decide]

My Grandfather was involved in the war back in the day. The Army says he was responsible for downing 2 ships, 11 aircraft, 7 tanks and often stalled important supply convoys.


He was by far the worst mechanic they ever had.

 

[HariSeldon]

My Grandfather was involved in the war back in the day. The Army says he was responsible for downing 2 ships, 11 aircraft, 7 tanks and often stalled important supply convoys.


He was by far the worst mechanic they ever had.

I'm sure I heard that joke on Only Fools and Horses in the 80s...

 

[BlackOlivesMatter]

What do you call a fake noodle?

Spoiler

An Impasta

Did you hear about the kid napping at the park?

Spoiler

He woke up

 

[Snes nes]

what do you call facts when they are dead?

 

[Mickmrly]

what do you call facts when they are dead?

Too soon.

 

[BFNoise]

Commander Chapaev (Vasilij Ivanovich) was the Red Army hero in times of Civil War, and he had an adjutant Peter (Petka). In USSR there was a lot of jokes about them. Chapaev always plays the role of the old wise comrade and Petka is a young foolish simpleton.

I must say, I don't know if it sounds funny in English.

Once Petka comes to Chapaev and asks: "Vasilij Ivanovich, explain please, what the word "nuance" means?
Chapaev: "Turn around". Petka turns around.
Capaev inserts the finger in Petka's asshole and says:
"See, Petka, I have the finger in the ass and you have the finger in the ass also. But there are nuances..."

 

[Allnamestakenlol]

My cousin (who is 1/2 Hispanic) and I used to have a lot of fun telling jokes based on our racial stereotypes and this is the only one that has stuck with me to this day, and it still makes me laugh. Lol

--------------------------------

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with a squirrel?

A tree full of hubcaps.

 

[regawdless]

Time for a bad dad joke again.

There was a serious cyber attack recently: the government is still looking for the hacker.

I think he ran some ware.

 

[Prison mike]

What's red and slides across a chip shop floor.......

An abortion of chips

 

[Night Sky]

Three I made up today:

What Pronouns would Michael Jackson use?
He/He

What pronouns did the polite Japanese person go by?
She/She

Did you hear about the gang of gay armed robbers who were caught? They all ended up in the same nick. Poor lad couldn't walk straight for a week.

 

[Franky Family]

What do you call a slut slam pig that likes to fuck on the beach?

Spoiler

A ham sand wench

"

 

[regawdless]

WHY IS PETER PAN ALWAYS FLYING?

He Neverlands.

(I like this joke because it never gets old.)

 

[Prison mike]

What's red and slides across a chip shop floor

An abortion of chips

 

[Erdrick]

Why can't this melon get married?

Because it Cantaloupe.

 

[Prison mike]

Man walks into the twin towers and asks "can I buy a 747 please"

"sorry sir we don't sell them here"

"why have you got them in the window then"

 

[Still can't decide]

What do you do if some bird shits on your car window?

Not take her for a 2nd date.