[Lady Marmalade]

So long as it's not stress related, I enjoy musing on creative things to be solved the next day. But these days I only need to worry about myself and my own work. When I managed people, the strain of allocating limited talented resources took it's toll (unless you have a super star team, there'll be 3 guys you trust and bunch of mediocre people that need to be kept happy without letting them do anything important, all while trying to produce top level work with the actual tiny team) At the end of a major show in 2017 I had a breakdown because of it.
I keep getting asked if I fancy jumping back into leading teams, I always make excuses about this that and the other and wiggle out of it.

 

[CloudNull]

My first year in my new role was hard and I could hardly stop thinking about it. It took its toll and I relied heavily on weed to cope…. Turned into an asshole and was short with many people irl.

Nowadays I'd don't think about it unless I made a change to production or Im ramping up for a rollout. I've replaced my substance reliance with running/biking and life is good.

 

[Dreamlord]

Funny that this thread was resurrected when I started thinking that I can't stand my job anymore and I am ready to quit.

So long as it's not stress related, I enjoy musing on creative things to be solved the next day. But these days I only need to worry about myself and my own work. When I managed people, the strain of allocating limited talented resources took it's toll (unless you have a super star team, there'll be 3 guys you trust and bunch of mediocre people that need to be kept happy without letting them do anything important, all while trying to produce top level work with the actual tiny team) At the end of a major show in 2017 I had a breakdown because of it.
I keep getting asked if I fancy jumping back into leading teams, I always make excuses about this that and the other and wiggle out of it.

Can you elaborate a little bit what a breakdown looks/feels like? I think I am near it tbh and even my doctor said that I am displaying signs of burnout a few months ago.

 

[HariSeldon]

Can you elaborate a little bit what a breakdown looks/feels like? I think I am near it tbh and even my doctor said that I am displaying signs of burnout a few months ago.

If you're finding that things that in the cold light of day are simple and trivial leave you completely stressed and overwhelmed, if you have no energy to do anything outside of work, if you can't switch off, if it's affecting your personal life, it's probably burnout (that's where I've been quite recently tbh) and honestly there are only a couple of answers, and a lot depends on what the cause is.

In my case I felt burned out as a result of doing 4 peoples jobs through covid as others were furloughed and fired, and not taking a break before moving to my next job. I did ok but felt constantly overwhelmed, and looking back that was me putting pressure on myself - it wasn't coming from management who were very kind. The new job went the same way and I concluded I needed to fix me - changing job would not fix the common denominator in this problem. I had to change my mindset and recognise that while there are gaps in my skill set, my employers are kind and supportive and giving me the time to catch up. I had to stop pressurising myself if nobody else was doing so, which was hard as I hold myself and others to a high standard.

Your situation may be different. Maybe your employer is less kind and is putting too much pressure on you, in which case maybe a move is needed, but be aware that it'll take time for the burnout to recede and you may make the mistakes I did. It might be worth taking some time out if you're financially able to do so.

 

[Lady Marmalade]

Funny that this thread was resurrected when I started thinking that I can't stand my job anymore and I am ready to quit.



Can you elaborate a little bit what a breakdown looks/feels like? I think I am near it tbh and even my doctor said that I am displaying signs of burnout a few months ago.

I imagine it's different for everyone, but for me one day out of the blue I had a fireball of overwhelming anxiety, sudden a bit like the guy in American Werewolf in London when he turns for the first time and jumps out of his chair. I rushed to bed thinking I was about to collapse, and stayed there for the next ten days in a state of strange semi-madness, convinced I was bed ridden, the days crawling by. The mind played tricks on me, heightened I guess by the lack of stimulai, kind of baby crawling on the ceiling type of trauma.
So a sudden and violent breakdown. I only came through as the doctor on the phone said I had to go to the hospital, and my partner dragged me into a taxi and took me even though I was convinced I'd never make it. A check up and blood test later I was sat down and explained to me nothing was physically wrong. It was sort of like a spell was lifted.
Took another couple of weeks to really normalise with a bout of tinnitus to round things out.

If you feel like you are getting to the edge, try and step away any way you can

 

[lock2k]

Since November of 2021 I've been working in the marketing dept. of a U.S. staffing company and I couldn't be happier. I never think about it after work, the pay is good enough, I have medical assistance and therapies for my daughter and the team is great. I'm also fully remote and I love it because I'm antisocial as fuck. lol. My last job made me miserable in the auto industry for 6 years.

 

[Stifler's Mom]

No.
Was like that until a few years ago.
Then I did a "American Beauty" dad move, and said fuck it all.

Now I am working five hours a day at my coding job, have almost no responsibilities, and still enough money for paying alimony for two kids, food, and my rent.

The moment I leave my work I am out of it mentally.

Life is too short to get wasted in and by your job.

 

[Vow]

My attitude to work has always been to cut off and not think about it as soon as official work hours end. I've been fully remote (apart from international travel for big projects) since 2017 and as an introvert who likes his own company this suits me fine.

Occasionally there'll be a big project where I need to think about solutions to issues and sometimes the issue/solution will come to me when I'm not working but I really try to avoid being in that situation in the first place.

I don't put office email on my phone so I don't get emails when I'm not working. I make it clear that I do not work out of hours. As far as managing people I tend to deal with arseholes pretty swiftly. Most people put up with arseholes and try to avoid/please them. I artfully destroy them and manoeuvre them out of the company. This makes everyone else happy. I'm nice to people I work with who are hardworking and competent, try to be honest and fair, and don't bullshit. Not bullshitting and being honest about when situations are shit means I don't stress about having to manage things to match a false impression I have given. I have known managers who bullshit upwards and then stress out and freak out on their teams to try and make reality match their bullshit, and it never ends well. These people are irresponsible idiots, and in my experience this seems to be a common attitude.

 

[Explosive Zombie]

In my dreams I'm still working a job I haven't had since 2016 or one I haven't had since 2009 or in a school I haven't entered since 2002.

 

[teezzy]

In my dreams I'm still working a job I haven't had since 2016 or one I haven't had since 2009 or in a school I haven't entered since 2002.

Have you considered getting a new one?

 

[Optimus]

I don't really think about my job outside of work anymore. They don't pay me to, so I don't. That doesn't mean I don't think about my trade or my career. I just think about those things separate from work tasks or whatever feature stories I'm working on during work hours.

I've mastered the art of flipping the switch the moment I clock out, AMA.

 

[prag16]

I don't really think about my job outside of work anymore. They don't pay me to, so I don't. That doesn't mean I don't think about my trade or my career. I just think about those things separate from work tasks or whatever feature stories I'm working on during work hours.

I've mastered the art of flipping the switch the moment I clock out, AMA.

This always came easily to me. I am mentally checked out as soon as I step away from the desk. Sure here or there I'll respond to an email or message after hours as long as no real effort is required if I happen to see it on my phone, etc. But I never had a problem with dwelling/stressing about any of it outside of work. I honestly don't care about work or my career, in the sense that it's just a means to an end: To earn a living for me and my family and to fund things I actually like doing with people I like.

When I was an individual contributor early in my career I didn't have a problem with this. I've been in (low-ish) management for around 7.5 years now and still don't have a problem with this. As a manager there's definitely more shit to worry about, but I also delegate a lot of the stuff that's a real pain in the ass and I have a solid productive team at this point. My job is actually "easier" day to day now than ever before even though the level of responsibilty has never been higher. Some people would probably stress about it. I don't. I'd be miserable if I did frankly, because I'm a person that is easily knocked way off kilter by stress. But for whatever reason, and thankfully, I've always had that work/personal wall up, and stress from the work side never really leaves that side.

What some in this thread have described in this thread sounds like hell. If I was spending half my Sunday intently thinking about the work week ahead, I'd eventually off myself.

 

[Dreamlord]

If you're finding that things that in the cold light of day are simple and trivial leave you completely stressed and overwhelmed, if you have no energy to do anything outside of work, if you can't switch off, if it's affecting your personal life, it's probably burnout (that's where I've been quite recently tbh) and honestly there are only a couple of answers, and a lot depends on what the cause is.

In my case I felt burned out as a result of doing 4 peoples jobs through covid as others were furloughed and fired, and not taking a break before moving to my next job. I did ok but felt constantly overwhelmed, and looking back that was me putting pressure on myself - it wasn't coming from management who were very kind. The new job went the same way and I concluded I needed to fix me - changing job would not fix the common denominator in this problem. I had to change my mindset and recognise that while there are gaps in my skill set, my employers are kind and supportive and giving me the time to catch up. I had to stop pressurising myself if nobody else was doing so, which was hard as I hold myself and others to a high standard.

Your situation may be different. Maybe your employer is less kind and is putting too much pressure on you, in which case maybe a move is needed, but be aware that it'll take time for the burnout to recede and you may make the mistakes I did. It might be worth taking some time out if you're financially able to do so.

I imagine it's different for everyone, but for me one day out of the blue I had a fireball of overwhelming anxiety, sudden a bit like the guy in American Werewolf in London when he turns for the first time and jumps out of his chair. I rushed to bed thinking I was about to collapse, and stayed there for the next ten days in a state of strange semi-madness, convinced I was bed ridden, the days crawling by. The mind played tricks on me, heightened I guess by the lack of stimulai, kind of baby crawling on the ceiling type of trauma.
So a sudden and violent breakdown. I only came through as the doctor on the phone said I had to go to the hospital, and my partner dragged me into a taxi and took me even though I was convinced I'd never make it. A check up and blood test later I was sat down and explained to me nothing was physically wrong. It was sort of like a spell was lifted.
Took another couple of weeks to really normalise with a bout of tinnitus to round things out.

If you feel like you are getting to the edge, try and step away any way you can

Thanks both for elaborating. Been thinking about it and realised that the main issue I have (for almost two years now) is that the mental exhaustion from my job and the never ending demands have affected my sleep to the point that two out of three nights I wake up around three o'clock thinking either about work stuff or waking up from dreams that are vague problem-solving related and anxiety driven. Like, a couple of nights ago I woke up at 3 dreaming that there was a weird square fractal thing that I was trying to place in some sort of area/object (I don't remember exactly tbh), or I wake up because in my head I am trying to solve specific work-related technical problems.

The nights that I sleep uninterupted, I usually am ok during the day, but overall, my tiredness levels are reaching the point where I am exhausted all the time mentally. I am definitely super irritable very often and I struggle to see anything else ahead of me except work problems and pressure (by problems I mean technical problems that I need to solve, in very limited timeframes).

I've been complaining a lot (A LOT) to my wife and my brother, but to be honest, the only solution to this is to quit the job and find something else (after taking a break for a few months). It would just be good to manage to survive the year, for various reasons (if I am honest with myself, these reasons are purely monetary and, quite frankly, not necessary).

I am trying not to give much of a toss, but it is hard. Today, for example. I woke up at 6:30. Made a coffee and started work. I was on calls/meetings from 7 until 11. Then I started actually doing the work. Finished around 6.

Don't feel like doing anything with my evening as I feel spent and have the fucking deadlines in mind.

I guess I should just quit.

 

[Relativ9]

Think about work constantly, but I kind of like it. I'm a developer so walking away from the code and just doing other stuff helps me come up with ideas for fixes or performance improvements. It's not really a source of stress for me, I'm the kind of guy that can't sitt still or think about nothing anyway so I welcome it.

My wife's not as big of a fan though.

 

[Showdown]

Nope. Learned a few years ago that it's not worth it. Life is too short to be thinking about work all the time. Like some of the folks in this thread have already said: when I sign off, I'm done. The switch gets flipped. My off time I want to enjoy doing things that I actually enjoy. Can't fully enjoy stuff when you've got work in the back of your head.

The only exception to that is if it's an on-call week for me. Then it's the opposite. Then I'm constantly thinking about work and getting paged out at 2am.

 

[Haxan7]

My job often requires me to work weekends and late nights, and I don't get paid overtime. And summers are the busiest period. It kinda sucks, I should just become a teacher and be poor.