Confessional Pad.

Thread: Confessional Pad.
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and 3 others said:
Back in the day, I was on again off again banging a girl about once or twice then never hear from her for months at a time.

One day I was staying at The Soaring Eagle Casino with some friends. The Casino had a Hotel that we stayed at. That girl calls me and says she wants to bang.

So my friends leave to go back down to the Casino and she shows up. We start banging, and half way through my boys show back up. I got her head buried in a pillow, going to town, as I watch a friend sneak over and grab her purse off a chair. I hear them rifling through it in the
bathroom, laughing.

She leaves, dudes got over $200 off her. We go eat for free. Forgive Father!
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I dunno if the lord can help you here bud.

You're forgiven.
 
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Ornlu said:
No, but I always seemed to end up paying for her food before her head got smooshed into a pillow. 🍻

@and 3 others and his cronies are out there in the wild getting reparations for generations of men who transmuted hard earned $$$ into Red Lobster biscuits in exchange for some strange. Godspeed.
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Out there getting after that cheddar… bay biscuits.
 
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Forgive me Father for I have sinned

I have lied, Father. I have lied A LOT. I have lied so much that I can no longer remember if I'm lying. The lies are a part of my very soul. I have fallen so far, as a result of all my lying. Lying is my truth now. This, now, is my truth. This has all been a lie. I lie in order to lie about all the lies that I have lied. I am a liar.
 
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slugbahr said:
Forgive me Father for I have sinned

I have lied, Father. I have lied A LOT. I have lied so much that I can no longer remember if I'm lying. The lies are a part of my very soul. I have fallen so far, as a result of all my lying. Lying is my truth now. This, now, is my truth. This has all been a lie. I lie in order to lie about all the lies that I have lied. I am a liar.
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Forgive me father for I have sinned.

My previous confession was a lie. All of it. Lies. From start to finish. And even afterwards. The lying never seems to end.
 
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Forgive me father for I have sinned.

I have barely anything to do at my job anymore and when I have some rare home office days, I'm not doing anything work related at all. I installed a software that moves my mouse cursor every 30 sec so my status in Teams stays at "available" and I only react if someone calls me or when I have like one meeting per day.
 
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regawdless said:
Forgive me father for I have sinned.

I have barely anything to do at my job anymore and when I have some rare home office days, I'm not doing anything work related at all. I installed a software that moves my mouse cursor every 30 sec so my status in Teams stays at "available" and I only react if someone calls me or when I have like one meeting per day.
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This is why lord gave us hands and a penis for such difficult times

You are forgiven.
 
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Forgive me father for I have sinned, I have been trolling in online games all my life.

  • I spammed guns as Deathstroke in the first Injustice game until my opponents would ragequit. I did this over 500+ matches. I ended up with something like a 4:1 W/L ratio. I never bothered to actually learn the mechanics of the game or any combos or anything. I literally just spammed his guns and grenade launcher, and would do the spinning sword thing when my opponent got too close.
  • In Call of Duty MW3 I would play Hardcore Search & Destroy, equip the RPG, and point in straight at the ground and fire when the round starts, killing my entire team the moment the match started.
  • Back when Minecraft was still growing and server plugins weren't as ubiquitous, I would constantly grief people by burning down/blowing up their houses, stealing their stuff, stomping on their crops, and killing their pets.
  • In TF2 private servers whenever people were RP'ing or Heavy Boxing or some other gay shit I would jump in as scout and beat them to death with a fish.
  • In Halo 3 matchmaking I would annoy my teammates by doing shit like blocking their view, grabbing flags but refusing to capture them, pushing them off ledges, punching them to drop their shields when they were in the middle of a firefight, etc. I would do this until someone inevitably killed me out of frustration. A fun thing about Halo is that when a teammate kills you, it gives you the option to kick them from the game, which I would always take. This meant I could grief people and THEY would get punished for it, which I found hilarious.
  • In highschool I was playing GTA with IRL friends and I murdered this one friend over and over and over again. I would shoot out his tires and blow up his car and then shoot him once he respawned. It got to the point where he got frustrated and started molotov'ing himself to rob me of the satisfaction, so I got a fire truck and started putting out the fire with the hose and then running him over with the truck. He got like legit mad about it. We fought the next day at school. It was funny. Later that day tempers settled and we went back to being friends. To this day I don't even remember what inspired me to target him specifically. Maybe I was just bored.
I don't play multiplayer games too much these days, but if I did I probably wouldn't be able to do stuff like this because they invent new systems specifically to stop people like me.

I would still do it all again in a heartbeat, though.
 
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Whitesnake said:
In highschool I was playing GTA with IRL friends and I murdered this one friend over and over and over again. I would shoot out his tires and blow up his car and then shoot him once he respawned. It got to the point where he got frustrated and started molotov'ing himself to rob me of the satisfaction, so I got a fire truck and started putting out the fire with the hose and then running him over with the truck. He got like legit mad about it. We fought the next day at school. It was funny. Later that day tempers settled and we went back to being friends. To this day I don't even remember what inspired me to target him specifically. Maybe I was just bored.
Click to expand...


LEGEND
 
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Whitesnake said:
Forgive me father for I have sinned, I have been trolling in online games all my life.

  • I spammed guns as Deathstroke in the first Injustice game until my opponents would ragequit. I did this over 500+ matches. I ended up with something like a 4:1 W/L ratio. I never bothered to actually learn the mechanics of the game or any combos or anything. I literally just spammed his guns and grenade launcher, and would do the spinning sword thing when my opponent got too close.
  • In Call of Duty MW3 I would play Hardcore Search & Destroy, equip the RPG, and point in straight at the ground and fire when the round starts, killing my entire team the moment the match started.
  • Back when Minecraft was still growing and server plugins weren't as ubiquitous, I would constantly grief people by burning down/blowing up their houses, stealing their stuff, stomping on their crops, and killing their pets.
  • In TF2 private servers whenever people were RP'ing or Heavy Boxing or some other gay shit I would jump in as scout and beat them to death with a fish.
  • In Halo 3 matchmaking I would annoy my teammates by doing shit like blocking their view, grabbing flags but refusing to capture them, pushing them off ledges, punching them to drop their shields when they were in the middle of a firefight, etc. I would do this until someone inevitably killed me out of frustration. A fun thing about Halo is that when a teammate kills you, it gives you the option to kick them from the game, which I would always take. This meant I could grief people and THEY would get punished for it, which I found hilarious.
  • In highschool I was playing GTA with IRL friends and I murdered this one friend over and over and over again. I would shoot out his tires and blow up his car and then shoot him once he respawned. It got to the point where he got frustrated and started molotov'ing himself to rob me of the satisfaction, so I got a fire truck and started putting out the fire with the hose and then running him over with the truck. He got like legit mad about it. We fought the next day at school. It was funny. Later that day tempers settled and we went back to being friends. To this day I don't even remember what inspired me to target him specifically. Maybe I was just bored.
I don't play multiplayer games too much these days, but if I did I probably wouldn't be able to do stuff like this because they invent new systems specifically to stop people like me.

I would still do it all again in a heartbeat, though.
Click to expand...


The lord has already reserved a place on his high council for a legend like you my son.


You are forgiven.
 
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Whitesnake said:
Forgive me father for I have sinned, I have been trolling in online games all my life.

  • I spammed guns as Deathstroke in the first Injustice game until my opponents would ragequit. I did this over 500+ matches. I ended up with something like a 4:1 W/L ratio. I never bothered to actually learn the mechanics of the game or any combos or anything. I literally just spammed his guns and grenade launcher, and would do the spinning sword thing when my opponent got too close.
  • In Call of Duty MW3 I would play Hardcore Search & Destroy, equip the RPG, and point in straight at the ground and fire when the round starts, killing my entire team the moment the match started.
  • Back when Minecraft was still growing and server plugins weren't as ubiquitous, I would constantly grief people by burning down/blowing up their houses, stealing their stuff, stomping on their crops, and killing their pets.
  • In TF2 private servers whenever people were RP'ing or Heavy Boxing or some other gay shit I would jump in as scout and beat them to death with a fish.
  • In Halo 3 matchmaking I would annoy my teammates by doing shit like blocking their view, grabbing flags but refusing to capture them, pushing them off ledges, punching them to drop their shields when they were in the middle of a firefight, etc. I would do this until someone inevitably killed me out of frustration. A fun thing about Halo is that when a teammate kills you, it gives you the option to kick them from the game, which I would always take. This meant I could grief people and THEY would get punished for it, which I found hilarious.
  • In highschool I was playing GTA with IRL friends and I murdered this one friend over and over and over again. I would shoot out his tires and blow up his car and then shoot him once he respawned. It got to the point where he got frustrated and started molotov'ing himself to rob me of the satisfaction, so I got a fire truck and started putting out the fire with the hose and then running him over with the truck. He got like legit mad about it. We fought the next day at school. It was funny. Later that day tempers settled and we went back to being friends. To this day I don't even remember what inspired me to target him specifically. Maybe I was just bored.
I don't play multiplayer games too much these days, but if I did I probably wouldn't be able to do stuff like this because they invent new systems specifically to stop people like me.

I would still do it all again in a heartbeat, though.
Click to expand...
You might be a cunt, but you're a funny cunt. I thought it couldn't get any better than the Halo 3 one, then GTA made me laugh IRL (rare for internet stuff). Putting out someone's suicide fire just to run them over yourself is hall of fame trolling.
tenor.gif
 
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Whitesnake said:
Forgive me father for I have sinned, I have been trolling in online games all my life.

  • I spammed guns as Deathstroke in the first Injustice game until my opponents would ragequit. I did this over 500+ matches. I ended up with something like a 4:1 W/L ratio. I never bothered to actually learn the mechanics of the game or any combos or anything. I literally just spammed his guns and grenade launcher, and would do the spinning sword thing when my opponent got too close.
  • In Call of Duty MW3 I would play Hardcore Search & Destroy, equip the RPG, and point in straight at the ground and fire when the round starts, killing my entire team the moment the match started.
  • Back when Minecraft was still growing and server plugins weren't as ubiquitous, I would constantly grief people by burning down/blowing up their houses, stealing their stuff, stomping on their crops, and killing their pets.
  • In TF2 private servers whenever people were RP'ing or Heavy Boxing or some other gay shit I would jump in as scout and beat them to death with a fish.
  • In Halo 3 matchmaking I would annoy my teammates by doing shit like blocking their view, grabbing flags but refusing to capture them, pushing them off ledges, punching them to drop their shields when they were in the middle of a firefight, etc. I would do this until someone inevitably killed me out of frustration. A fun thing about Halo is that when a teammate kills you, it gives you the option to kick them from the game, which I would always take. This meant I could grief people and THEY would get punished for it, which I found hilarious.
  • In highschool I was playing GTA with IRL friends and I murdered this one friend over and over and over again. I would shoot out his tires and blow up his car and then shoot him once he respawned. It got to the point where he got frustrated and started molotov'ing himself to rob me of the satisfaction, so I got a fire truck and started putting out the fire with the hose and then running him over with the truck. He got like legit mad about it. We fought the next day at school. It was funny. Later that day tempers settled and we went back to being friends. To this day I don't even remember what inspired me to target him specifically. Maybe I was just bored.
I don't play multiplayer games too much these days, but if I did I probably wouldn't be able to do stuff like this because they invent new systems specifically to stop people like me.

I would still do it all again in a heartbeat, though.
Click to expand...
Was this you?
 
I have this friend, let's call him Grouffers.. this friend was on a business trip in Texas all week and on his last night stayed with a high school friend and his family that live in the area. Apparently Grouffers got completely shitfaced last night with his friend and his friends wife. It was one of those evenings where everyone was alternating pissing outside on the perimeter fence because it's closer than going to the restroom.

So around 3 AM everyone went to bed. Grouffers had a vivid dream about peeing on the fence and woke up. He walked to the restroom to go piss, but stepped in something wet along the way.
He turned on the light to find he had pissed all over the guest bedroom door, the new hardwood floors and the new rug they had just bought last week.

Grouffers and his buddy go way back, but his relationship with the wife is nowhere near as strong. This seems like the kind of thing that gets you banned from someone's home.

Panicked, he wwnt to the restroom across the hall, grabbed a couple of towels, paper towel roll under the sink and Lysol wipes.

He spent about an hour still pretty drunk doing the best he could to mop up all the piss with the towels and scrubs the rug. The way the was positioned in the room, it's sticking halfway out from the bed, so he made the decision to flip the rug where the wet portion would be under the bed and the dry portion would be sticking out.

He stuffed the dirty towels, paper towels and Lysol wipes in his backpack and took them with him when he left today.

If she notices something off about the rug, if the kids play hide and seek under the bed, if it smells, or if the hardwoods arent completely dry and God forbid weep liquid or warp, Grouffers is fucked.
 
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Stouffers said:
I have this friend, let's call him Grouffers.. this friend was on a business trip in Texas all week and on his last night stayed with a high school friend and his family that live in the area. Apparently Grouffers got completely shitfaced last night with his friend and his friends wife. It was one of those evenings where everyone was alternating pissing outside on the perimeter fence because it's closer than going to the restroom.

So around 3 AM everyone went to bed. Grouffers had a vivid dream about peeing on the fence and woke up. He walked to the restroom to go piss, but stepped in something wet along the way.
He turned on the light to find he had pissed all over the guest bedroom door, the new hardwood floors and the new rug they had just bought last week.

Grouffers and his buddy go way back, but his relationship with the wife is nowhere near as strong. This seems like the kind of thing that gets you banned from someone's home.

Panicked, he wwnt to the restroom across the hall, grabbed a couple of towels, paper towel roll under the sink and Lysol wipes.

He spent about an hour still pretty drunk doing the best he could to mop up all the piss with the towels and scrubs the rug. The way the was positioned in the room, it's sticking halfway out from the bed, so he made the decision to flip the rug where the wet portion would be under the bed and the dry portion would be sticking out.

He stuffed the dirty towels, paper towels and Lysol wipes in his backpack and took them with him when he left today.

If she notices something off about the rug, if the kids play hide and seek under the bed, if it smells, or if the hardwoods arent completely dry and God forbid weep liquid or warp, Grouffers is fucked.
Click to expand...
Grouffers is greally gretarded
 
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Stouffers said:
I have this friend, let's call him Grouffers.. this friend was on a business trip in Texas all week and on his last night stayed with a high school friend and his family that live in the area. Apparently Grouffers got completely shitfaced last night with his friend and his friends wife. It was one of those evenings where everyone was alternating pissing outside on the perimeter fence because it's closer than going to the restroom.

So around 3 AM everyone went to bed. Grouffers had a vivid dream about peeing on the fence and woke up. He walked to the restroom to go piss, but stepped in something wet along the way.
He turned on the light to find he had pissed all over the guest bedroom door, the new hardwood floors and the new rug they had just bought last week.

Grouffers and his buddy go way back, but his relationship with the wife is nowhere near as strong. This seems like the kind of thing that gets you banned from someone's home.

Panicked, he wwnt to the restroom across the hall, grabbed a couple of towels, paper towel roll under the sink and Lysol wipes.

He spent about an hour still pretty drunk doing the best he could to mop up all the piss with the towels and scrubs the rug. The way the was positioned in the room, it's sticking halfway out from the bed, so he made the decision to flip the rug where the wet portion would be under the bed and the dry portion would be sticking out.

He stuffed the dirty towels, paper towels and Lysol wipes in his backpack and took them with him when he left today.

If she notices something off about the rug, if the kids play hide and seek under the bed, if it smells, or if the hardwoods arent completely dry and God forbid weep liquid or warp, Grouffers is fucked.
Click to expand...
 
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