Steve Jobs would be proud. You're forgiven.
Thread: Confessional Pad.
Official Thread
Steve Jobs would be proud. You're forgiven.
ExpandKong
Post-Approval Survivor
- Platforms
Forgive me father for I have sinned, Twin Snakes is better than original MGS.
When I was 13 I was treated in a hospital. I stole a syringe in nurses room and injected a lot of water in pillows of my roommates during the night. Everybody was wondering what happened, but they did never find out the truth. Forgive me!
Dear father in heaven. Smite this asshole.
You are forgiven my child. May you be less retarded.
- Platforms
Forgive me father for I have sinned. I trolled a video game message board and got permanently banned. Please forgive my sins.
- Platforms
Father forgive me for I have sinned.
When I was six years old, a neighborhood buddy of mine and I took a dog turd, put it into a Baby Ruth wrapper and attempted to pass it off to another neighborhood kid as free candy. The kid looked at it, pensively and seriously considered taking it. I think the fact that we were offering it up via a shovel clued him into something wasn't right.
When I was six years old, a neighborhood buddy of mine and I took a dog turd, put it into a Baby Ruth wrapper and attempted to pass it off to another neighborhood kid as free candy. The kid looked at it, pensively and seriously considered taking it. I think the fact that we were offering it up via a shovel clued him into something wasn't right.
Bless you my child for you feed the needy. You are forgiven
lock2k
Due a Whippin
I've been driving without a license for two years. lmao
It's ok my child. My advice to you is practice not dropping the soap. You are forgiven
lock2k
Due a Whippin
This is Brazil, dude. Land of the criminals. lol
ps: I'm actually getting a new license in two weeks and I haven't driven much since the pandemic started.
Stifler's Mom
I've got some Scotch
- Platforms
Forgive me father, for I have sinned:
The japanese model girlfriend I once had many years ago squirted a lot on my carpet when I fingered her while she was sitting on a chair. I mean, really a lot. Like the whole fucking carpet needed to get hung over the balcony to dry. How can such a slim girl have so much water in her?
I told some people who knew her in the Tokyo club scene about it on some party after we broke up. My only excuse is I was very drunk.
The japanese model girlfriend I once had many years ago squirted a lot on my carpet when I fingered her while she was sitting on a chair. I mean, really a lot. Like the whole fucking carpet needed to get hung over the balcony to dry. How can such a slim girl have so much water in her?
I told some people who knew her in the Tokyo club scene about it on some party after we broke up. My only excuse is I was very drunk.
Seeing as how god speaks to me, I will relay his holy words.
"Ew."
you are forgiven.
lock2k
Due a Whippin
Stouffers
FAFO
I sharted my pants at my daughters cross-country race Saturday and wasn't able to clean up for several hours. By some miracle, the sludge stayed betwixt my cheeks and didn't leak out to my shorts.
One of the many miracles that the lord provided. You are forgiven.
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
When I was twenty myself and a friend rented a railway arch workshop and illegally dug a massive hole at the back with the tension of creating a secret underground chamber in order to grow vast amounts of weed to sell wholesale to a local dealer.
Unfortunatey we ran aground when the hole we dug needed to go outwards and we uncovered a second floor beneath the existing one, and couldn't break it up and extract it nor go under it because we couldn't vouch for it's integrity so we couldn't risk ending up buried alive.
We threw all the plans and drawings in the hole, filled it back in and cemented it over. It's probably still there, in east London, a slightly newer patch of surface in a nondescript railway arch workshop.
When I was twenty myself and a friend rented a railway arch workshop and illegally dug a massive hole at the back with the tension of creating a secret underground chamber in order to grow vast amounts of weed to sell wholesale to a local dealer.
Unfortunatey we ran aground when the hole we dug needed to go outwards and we uncovered a second floor beneath the existing one, and couldn't break it up and extract it nor go under it because we couldn't vouch for it's integrity so we couldn't risk ending up buried alive.
We threw all the plans and drawings in the hole, filled it back in and cemented it over. It's probably still there, in east London, a slightly newer patch of surface in a nondescript railway arch workshop.
This is anonymous right? I killed a prostitute once in 2016 in a motel. I had to drive out 30 miles to find a place to dump the body.
ExpandKong
Post-Approval Survivor
- Platforms
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
I was on vacation in another city with my wife. She was taking a shower and after several minutes I decided to join her. We engaged in mutually agreed upon carnal acts, and afterwards my website's readership numbers did not slip in the slightest.
I was on vacation in another city with my wife. She was taking a shower and after several minutes I decided to join her. We engaged in mutually agreed upon carnal acts, and afterwards my website's readership numbers did not slip in the slightest.
Seeing as we're all insurrectionist, pretty sure you're #1 on the FBI watch list now.
But the lord forgives you.
The lord will like to forgive something here but he's not sure what
I shat in a urinal when I was a kid.
Fuck i feel much better now. THanks father.
Fuck i feel much better now. THanks father.
Neil Young
Heart of Gold
- Platforms
Forgive me father:
When I was 10, I was a chunky, husky jeans wearing kid. I visited my normal sized 6 year old cousins who had one of those Bigfoot power wheels electric cars. When they were not around I tried to drive it. It wouldn't move under my fatboy weight and I burned out the motor as I smelled smoke. I jumped off before they got back and when they tried to use it, it was dead. They cried and cried. 30 years later, we talk all the time, I haven't told them it was me that killed their favorite toy of all time.
When I was 10, I was a chunky, husky jeans wearing kid. I visited my normal sized 6 year old cousins who had one of those Bigfoot power wheels electric cars. When they were not around I tried to drive it. It wouldn't move under my fatboy weight and I burned out the motor as I smelled smoke. I jumped off before they got back and when they tried to use it, it was dead. They cried and cried. 30 years later, we talk all the time, I haven't told them it was me that killed their favorite toy of all time.
lock2k
Due a Whippin
Its ok my son. Toilet covers are filthy, you did the right thing to protect your ass.
You're forgiven.
They told me to feed him. I lied and said I did. At least the maggots didn't go hungry
The Lord just conveyed to me that he out of fucks this time.
I did a sin,
In school I noticed that the music classroom was unlocked during break time. So I went in and checked the teachers desk for cool confiscated items hoping for pokemon cards or a Gamboy. There was just some cheap plastic toys in there and an envelope full of money that had been collected for a school choir trip. So I took some (a lot) but I was smart enough not to take all because they would notice missing envelope but not recount the money for some time and not know when it was gone missing.
I then went out and brought my own Gameboy color with pokemon and zelda ages game. I didn't even tell my best friend this and never was caught.
In school I noticed that the music classroom was unlocked during break time. So I went in and checked the teachers desk for cool confiscated items hoping for pokemon cards or a Gamboy. There was just some cheap plastic toys in there and an envelope full of money that had been collected for a school choir trip. So I took some (a lot) but I was smart enough not to take all because they would notice missing envelope but not recount the money for some time and not know when it was gone missing.
I then went out and brought my own Gameboy color with pokemon and zelda ages game. I didn't even tell my best friend this and never was caught.
It's okay my child, you are forgiven......the lord will just keep his shit locked away around you.
Stouffers
FAFO
Back in the day, I was on again off again banging a girl about once or twice then never hear from her for months at a time.
One day I was staying at The Soaring Eagle Casino with some friends. The Casino had a Hotel that we stayed at. That girl calls me and says she wants to bang.
So my friends leave to go back down to the Casino and she shows up. We start banging, and half way through my boys show back up. I got her head buried in a pillow, going to town, as I watch a friend sneak over and grab her purse off a chair. I hear them rifling through it in the
bathroom, laughing.
She leaves, dudes got over $200 off her. We go eat for free. Forgive Father!
One day I was staying at The Soaring Eagle Casino with some friends. The Casino had a Hotel that we stayed at. That girl calls me and says she wants to bang.
So my friends leave to go back down to the Casino and she shows up. We start banging, and half way through my boys show back up. I got her head buried in a pillow, going to town, as I watch a friend sneak over and grab her purse off a chair. I hear them rifling through it in the
bathroom, laughing.
She leaves, dudes got over $200 off her. We go eat for free. Forgive Father!
Are you sure you aren't a woman? That just sounds like a date.